Love is the most wonderful feeling, but unfortunately, it does not always bring us happiness. Sometimes it becomes an obsession, tormenting us constantly, distracting us from important matters and taking all our thoughts to the object of our dreams. And this happens not only because of unrequited love. It's even worse if the hero of your novel doesn't even know about you.
It would seem, what’s so terrible about this unattainable love? Just think, you live with your feelings, thinking about your idol twenty-four hours a day. It’s just that friends and acquaintances are twirling their fingers at their temples, assuring them that it’s time to throw this nonsense out of their heads. And you even try... But, waking up at night from a nagging pain in your chest, you realize that it “won’t let you go.” You continue to stubbornly pretend that you have everything under control, and meanwhile life ceases to bring you joy...
Hobby in adolescence
Falling in love with an idol bordering on fanaticism is a normal period in the development of a teenager. Girls grow up earlier than boys: they already want real feelings, relationships, but you simply won’t get this from their peers. In their love for an unattainable object, they learn to love, experience, compassion, care and admiration. They can draw an ideal image of their lover, endow him with the necessary features and at the same time be completely safe. After all, they don’t yet know what to do with real relationships, and so they unconsciously receive a guarantee that “nothing will happen after.” Thus, experiencing passion for a celebrity, girls aged 11–15 (some earlier, some later) prepare themselves for “adult” relationships.
Mature woman falling in love
What to do if such feelings are “covered” an adult woman? The root of such hobbies most often lies in one’s own immaturity and immaturity. You want to be a little girl who will be held and protected from all problems.
the Forbidden fruit is sweet
In general, people tend to want what “they can’t do.” And having fallen in love with the “wrong guy,” you can deliberately flaunt your suffering, hiding behind the phrases “If only... then I would...” - instead of changing your life in the right direction and moving towards your goals. Comfortable!
I am the center of the universe
The availability of the object of your dreams (after all, the stars are always in sight, 24 hours a day) allows you not to fight for his time, attention and love - you just need to go online. So you get the illusion that the whole world is at your feet, and you, like a capricious girl, get everything at once. You don't really want to put in the effort and responsibility of trying to build a real relationship, because then you would have to adapt and change your habits to suit your partner's needs.
Imaginary ideality
You can endow your idol with any traits and qualities - those that you supposedly don’t find in “real” men. In addition, looking at the “photoshopped life” of your hero, you can take your mind off the dullness and monotony of your own life.
What to do when “unreal” love hits you
1. You have a man, but suddenly you fell head over heels in love with another. If this happens, it seems that you are not completely satisfied with your relationship. It’s worth figuring out what exactly doesn’t suit you.
✘ If the spark, bright emotions, passion have disappeared, try to return them to your relationship. You can have a romantic date, change your wardrobe (at least sometimes get out of your usual trousers and put on a dress - this way you will remember that you are a woman and not a workhorse), go on a mini-vacation on the weekend with your partner, spend interesting evenings at home, for example, playing chess or cards. Good way get closer - find a joint hobby.
✘ You have become burdened by your differences in character: for example, he is a rather closed introvert, and you are an extrovert who cannot live without parties and communication. Find hobbies for yourself, go out alone or with friends. After all, who said that couples do everything together? Everyone has the right to own time and space. The main thing is not to lose what you have in common, devoting attention and time to each other.
✘ If your marriage has outlived its usefulness, you both feel that your goals and plans for life are different, you should find the strength to break the vicious circle and end the relationship. Talk openly with your spouse. Perhaps you will part easily and painlessly. But if it gets hard, turn to friends or a psychologist for help.
2. You are still single, but the men around you are not interested. That's why you fell for some actor. Answer yourself the question: “Do I need a relationship now?” Most likely the answer is “no”. Perhaps you recently experienced a painful breakup or there has been violence (psychological or physical) in your life. Or maybe you now have other goals in the first place (not everyone wants to be paired with someone for whom career or travel is more important than family). In the first two cases, give yourself time, but if the pain and fear do not go away, contact a psychologist. And thirdly, accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to live up to other people's expectations. But let's figure out how to get rid of love for an idol.
✘ Understand the reasons: analyze why you chose this particular person? What are the main qualities and character traits he has? Describe it using five adjectives. Read what is written carefully. Do you think this is a description of your ideal partner, and you need to look for one in reality? Not certainly in that way. These definitions, rather, indicate what you lack in yourself, what aspects of your character you need to develop first. After all, we usually look for something that can complement us, complete us to the whole. Maybe it's time to work on yourself?
✘ Remove pink glasses and stop idealizing your idol. He may look perfect, but in reality he is a person just like you and your friends. Look at his photos taken by the paparazzi, read into the dubious facts of his biography - and turn on your critical attitude (it’s not easy, but try!). Believe me, you can easily find a lot of shortcomings in him, and this will help you return to reality.
✘ Set boundaries: limit “communication” with the object of love. To do this, clear your space of things that resemble it, leaving them only in one corner. Determine the time you will spend admiring your idol. Gradually reduce it by focusing more on doing other things. Come up with a hobby, start a diary where you will write down tasks (it is important to complete them!): learn 30 French words, read 100 pages of a book, spend 1 hour in the gym. This way you will take your mind off thoughts about your lover, and at the same time you will master many skills and acquire knowledge that will be useful to you in life.
✘ Benefit from: perceive love for your idol as a source of inspiration and strength to implement your plans. After all, you can build your self-development with an eye on the “star”: write a script to get acquainted with famous actor, build a program and run for the Duma in order to get closer to politics, do charity work, attend exhibitions and festivals, develop your own business... Initially, you will have an incentive in the form of “getting closer to your loved one,” but, immersed in all this, you will catch yourself thinking that you are doing this for yourself, and “his” approval or meeting with him is no longer interesting to you.
✘ Say goodbye to him. To finally “let go” of your idol, take a piece of paper and write him a letter. Talk about your feelings and experiences, what attracted you to him, and what you achieved thanks to him. End the letter with a description of your own successes, praise and pride in yourself - this way you will shift the focus of attention from him to yourself, turn love, care and respect towards yourself, and remember the value of your own personality.
What to do if your daughter falls in love with an idol?
- Put yourself in her shoes. Remember your childhood and you will understand the importance of disks, posters and autographs of celebrities. Their presence determines the child’s position on the internal hierarchical ladder of self-esteem.
- Support her. Don’t try to confront your daughter’s idol, but ask her to explain his work, discuss it with her. Give her concert tickets, try to get rare photographs of the star. Believe me, your daughter will be grateful to you, and you will be able to maintain a warm and trusting relationship with her.
- Teach her to show love not with words, but with actions. This is easy to explain using money as an example. It is wrong to deprive your daughter of pocket money, which she mainly spends on her idol. But offering to make an effort - and earn it (help her find a part-time job), thereby “proving” your feelings to the object of affection - is a completely different matter.
- Accept that your baby is already grown up. And the longer you try to keep her on a short leash, the more acute forms her affection will take.
I wonder what it is about celebrities, public figures, that excites their fans so wildly? Just think, they are even elevated to the rank of idols. And it is unlikely that this is solely for the reason that they simply like their work, be it singing, brilliant roles or a high-quality game of football. We are driven by the desire to penetrate into the smallest details of their personal life, and the more personal it is, the greater the satisfaction we experience.
To the delight of the fan army, today there is a huge, rapidly developing industry, ready to happily satisfy the demands of the public, selling them the ins and outs of the lives and “dirty laundry” of celebrities. The famous overseas glossy “People” has an audience of more than 4.5 million readers per week. Domestic publications, of course, are a little more modest in scope, but it is the “yellow press” that is the most widespread today anywhere globe. And on the Internet, the most visited resources come from this information niche. Television is not far behind, literally teeming with low-quality programs and shows about the lives of public figures, happily feeding grateful viewers another portion of sensational celebrity dirt. Our lives are catastrophically filled with gossip from all sides, and what is most frightening is that a huge number of people are ready to spend their time and money on this.
The worship of star figures has for some time been regarded as. This phenomenon was even given a name “ celebrity cult syndrome" - "an obsessive addiction disorder in which a person becomes involved in the details of the personal lives of celebrities." As with any mental disorder, this illness has several levels of intensity. There are fans, so to speak, non-violent ones, who just need to be aware of events to be satisfied. Active fans feel the need to be closer to the object of veneration: attending events with the participation of a star, touring cities, autographs, photographs, etc., and touching their favorite is the peak of euphoria.
Much more dangerous is the category of violent fans, among whom there are unbalanced, but at the same time harmless representatives and socially dangerous elements. World history knows a lot of cases when frantic fans committed suicide after learning something unpleasant about their celestial being. There are also sad facts when public figures suffer or even die due to the fault of inadequate fans. And although most of us are still far from such extremes, it is impossible to deny the existence of a mental deviation of this kind. According to the latest research British university Liecester, 36% of residents of Foggy Albion suffer from a similar mental disorder.
Fascination with celebrities is one of the colossal means of making money. Of course, not for the fans themselves, but for the enterprising minds who make huge money from the love of fans. You don’t have to go far: everyone who has been knows how much all kinds of souvenirs and things with the performer’s attributes cost. The price is several times higher than the real cost, but they buy it, and on such a grand scale! And even without mass events, there is something to profit from: it’s enough to stick the image of a popular person on any trinket.
Many companies use big star names and faces to promote their product or service. An item advertised by a celebrity invariably gains more trust than one presented by an unknown person. Of course, the gum that the star chews for everyone to see will now be chewed by her entire army of thousands of fans.
And the celebrities themselves (or at their instigation) do not shy away from getting their hands on their fans. Personalized collections of clothing or shoes, jewelry, perfume, cosmetics, etc. A true fan will literally consider it his duty to acquire an item that was lovingly created by the mind of his favorite. Even if in fact the idol only gave the go-ahead to name these sandals after him and receives a fee for it.
For what reason is a person who is lucky enough to grab a piece of the popularity pie elevated to such a high pedestal of an idol? Yes, he was a little luckier than others, but at its core, every star is an ordinary business person. He has a certain product - a song or a film, which is offered to the public. Our right to buy it or not, accept or reject, love or be indifferent. And this ordinary purchase and sale transaction carries absolutely no prerequisites for drawing a halo over your head.
It seems that a baker from a neighboring pastry shop, who bakes unsurpassed delicious buns, makes no less a contribution to our lives than, for example, a famous artist. But for some reason we don’t deify him, don’t make ideal demands on him, don’t climb into his bed with a camera and don’t clutch our heads in horror if he suddenly typed excess weight or put on a tacky apron. He does not have to be a role model; his main task is to please us. But even if at some point he offers the customer a burnt bun or decides to do something else altogether, we will just change the confectionery shop without making a tragedy out of it or inflating a sensation. He doesn't owe us anything!
So why don’t we understand that a public person is the same simple person, with a set of the same limbs and organs. Yes, famous, popular, successful, beautifully packaged, wealthy, but still a person. They live with the same ups and downs, fears and joys, successes and problems, like each of us. Our assessment of these people should lie solely in their ability to please us with their work.
Olenkas specifically for the site
Time Machine. Stars don't take the subway
What do they say about this?
Love for an idol is not uncommon. They talk about it. And they say a lot... There is a lot of advice on the Internet. For example: “Don’t waste your precious time daydreaming and thinking bubbles of ideals. You shouldn’t ruin the life of yourself or those around you because of some singer or film actor. The main thing is to understand that you will never be next to him.” “It is dangerous to love mirages, to be seduced by shadows, to strive for ideal images. Return to real life" They also say that you shouldn’t give up your love. You have to believe. Or wait until it passes. There you can also find real confessions from ladies in love just like you. They love their idol like a dream, and believe that their dream will someday come true (although somewhere deep down they realize that this will never happen) - this makes life much easier for them... But we will give you other, real advice!
KNOCK!
Regardless of whether you have written to him more than once or have not yet decided to take this step, you should definitely write to his fan club. By the way, such an address can be found on your idol’s website. As for email, it won't be of much use. Any advanced fan club receives thousands of such letters every minute. The only thing that makes you stand out among virtual admirers is the subject line of the letter. It should be original, and not “I want to meet him and get married.” So rack your brains and think! If you are going to send your message by mail, know that the envelope must be unusual. Make every effort to get your message noticed. Color it with all the colors of the rainbow, draw an original drawing, choose beautiful stamps. Show what your imagination, inspired by love, is capable of.
Now let's move on to the content of the message. The most important thing is to try to avoid grammatical errors. Write him poetry, tell him about yourself, your city and, of course, that you really like him. Now let’s imagine that he read your letter. What's next? Thanks to the discreet message, your idol or his secretary will conclude that...
...when you meet, you will not tear his clothes, run after him with a crazy expression on his face and with scissors in his hands, in order to get at least some trophy in the form of a torn sleeve or a tuft of hair.
That is, it will become clear that you are a balanced and completely normal girl. And then you may be invited to a meeting with him. Even if this doesn’t happen, you will definitely become an active member of the fan club - and that’s cool. But as for overseas stars, it’s unlikely that something like this can happen on the territory of your homeland. Although anything can happen. And waiting for a miracle...
Waiting for a miracle...
1. Learn your idol's language. It's cool to watch his original films, understand what he sings about, read his blogs on Twitter or communicate with him personally on Facebook (and this can happen!). In any case, excellent knowledge foreign language It will definitely be useful to you in life.
2. Save some money for travel. Even if you don’t meet the person you dream of, you will see the world.
3. You should look good paired with your idol. Look after yourself and fashion. And of course, for the figure! It should be twelve points. Take your feet in your hands and go to the gym, aerobics, fitness or dancing. So let, in addition to love, you still have other hobbies that will only benefit you.
4. To have something in common with the one you love, take acting classes or take vocal lessons. Maybe thanks to your success you will meet him. In any case, there will be one more reason for the meeting.
Step forward
Now it's time to talk about reality...
First, let's figure out who you love. Singer, actor? Chances are you love his look. So much so that at the very sight of him you are overcome by a real tsunami of feelings. You want to hug the monitor/TV and constantly stare into the eyes of your chosen one...
Loving an idol is very, very cool. Firstly, you cannot quarrel with him. Secondly, he never says anything he doesn’t want to hear. Therefore, you attribute to him the qualities of an ideal, come up with some mind-blowing character traits.
But behind the scenes, in life, he can be moody or irritable and also make mistakes. Understand, he is a man! This means that nothing human is alien to him. Admit it, there are moments when you understand the stupidity of the situation, living as if in another dimension. Now open the door and take a step into the ordinary world. Let's go explore. Not everything there is as bad as it seems.
Oh, lucky one!
It is unlikely that any guy can capture your imagination if you are fanatically in love with your idol. It is very difficult. But at least try to find someone who is at least a little like your dream. Voice, appearance or even gait. What a difference it makes! After all, he might like you, which means he can turn you into a real lucky guy. After all, communication with different people- This is cool!. We repeat - with different people, and not just an unrequited “dialogue” with your idol. Believe me, he won't be offended. He will only be in favor if you become truly happy!
Understand, love should help you live. Love is happiness, not tears and pain in the heart. Share it with others. They are really looking forward to it!