Self-confident and self-confident. Overconfidence: the light and dark sides

Olga conscientiously prepared for the exams. Marina skipped classes, was actively relaxing with friends, defiantly ignoring the session. Olga is savvy on all tickets, confident in herself and her knowledge. Marina is trying to prove to everyone that arrogance is the second happiness. The exam is passed the same way. Where's the justice?

Is it so bad to be self-confident Marina if the result is the same? Is there a big difference between self-confidence and self-confidence? Where is that border?

Let's delve into psychology

If “self-confidence” implies awareness of one's real capabilities and skillful use of them, then “self-confidence” is feigned bravado, exaggeration of abilities, and even, as psychologists assure, latent self-doubt.

The terms "self-confidence" and "self-confidence" are opposite poles of the concept "confidence". One person tells everyone what a wonderful book he will write, but he never starts it. Another will silently write and publish without any praise. Self-confident - a kind of PR man, who in fact turns out to be a "naked king". Self-confident does not need self-promotion, he attracts already with his actions, real deeds.

Where's the justice?

A self-confident person takes it in a hurry, sometimes it rolls, as in the case of Marina, but with repeated attempts, ignorance and lack of experience will make themselves felt, and the person will fail. Moreover, for self-confident people in the depths, this failure will be very painful, although outwardly they can hide it.

Confident people recognize as their own strengths and disadvantages, adequately assessing their capabilities. They endure difficulties more easily, knowing that only with experience do practical skills in a particular area come.

What could be worse?

Self-confidence is, as it were, the negative pole, and self-confidence is positive. Why "how"? Because actually, overconfidence is not so bad. After all, there are also people who are insecure. Even those who prepared for exams, wrote a book, created an ingenious project ... But because of their insecurity, fear of expressing their opinion, of being misunderstood in some way, these people remain on the sidelines.

Where does it come from?

The origins of such behavior should be sought in childhood, when parents and teachers were overly condemned for the slightest mistakes. Then the child was afraid not to live up to expectations, to take the next step, to make some mistake. Or, on the contrary, when the parents excessively praised the baby, showing that he is the navel of the earth, and everything that he does is the best. That is, underestimated and overestimated self-esteem grows self-doubt and self-confidence.

How is it treated?

An insecure person needs to cultivate an understanding that only those who do nothing are not mistaken. If you know how to do something, then start with this area. This is where self-confidence does not hurt. Yes! Self-hypnosis, self-raising in the face of others, increasing one's self-esteem.

Now, when self-confidence helps to raise the bar in self-awareness, in comparing the results of one's work with others, in identifying "just PR people", there is a revolution in consciousness, and a person understands that the more you try, you gain new experience, the more successful they become every time your business.

The same line

As a result, with the help of artificially raising the bar, raising self-esteem, self-confidence, a person becomes confident as a result of his achievements, in himself. That is, self-confidence approaches self-confidence at the point of "action." This is the very edge!

If a self-confident person is not just going into all the affairs and making firewood because of a lack of knowledge and opportunities, but to really act, learn, not be afraid of mistakes, not just "work for the public", but really make decisions, write a book, prepare for exams and compose an ingenious project. That's when self-confidence will turn into self-confidence.

Polina Vertinskaya

If, in addition to self-confidence, a person has nothing, then unpleasant life scenarios, conflicts can be expected.

Most of the self-confident people that I have met are useful and effective, provided they have certain competencies.

Such a person is not afraid to speak and act. Initiative is one of best qualities that can be identified. There is nothing living, inspiring, or enticing about an inert group.

Such people create business, science, and they, in turn, create the infrastructure in which you and I live.

Self-confidence and self-confidence are different concepts. Self-confidence gives an illusory idea of ​​one's own capabilities and abilities, makes it difficult to look at yourself from the outside in order to assess all your weaknesses and strengths. In self-confident behavior, a person does not give himself a real account, therefore in some cases he can harm himself by not calculating his strength correctly.
Self-confidence is backed up by a real assessment of one's abilities, a real knowledge of one's abilities through verification.

Now let's look at the behavior of a self-confident and confident person.
A self-confident person loudly brags about his abilities, emphasizes in every possible way his power and faith in himself, while often having no evidence for his words. There are times when, after loud cries of his own power, a person is asked to repeat this in practice and he suffers a complete failure.
A self-confident person does not need to prove anything to anyone, because he himself knows his abilities and his mistakes. His achievements are visible in his actions and behavior, which he does not need to declare in order to emphasize his importance.

In my opinion, self-confidence is useful in any area of ​​life, and you need to work hard on yourself to acquire it.

Now, how can self-confidence come in handy? Perhaps only in order to amuse a sense of self-importance and convince yourself of your strength. Or to convince people that are even weaker in character and will to be naively admired.
Being self-confident does not mean being self-confident. Perhaps a person has a bunch of complexes and weaknesses and by praising himself through self-confidence, he simply does not want to see the picture of himself as real and really take any significant action to work on himself and fix it.

What is overconfidence anyway? Self-confidence is self-confidence in one's own abilities, in oneself, overestimated self-confidence is an exaggerated self-confidence and inability to see one's mistakes. It has both positive and negative sides. Positive aspects: self-confidence is useful for those who hold a responsible position and, by the nature of their service, communicate with a large number of people. She pushes forward, does not allow to stop at what has been achieved. If rationality is still present in a person, then those around him may not even suspect his self-confidence.

Self-confidence helps to believe in the positive outcome of any event, not to pay attention to difficulties, protects from stress. What is stress? This is a direct road to neuroses that slowly destroy our health. Overconfidence gives the feeling that you are capable of anything and you can do anything. And this, you see, is better than fear, indecision and disappointment. A self-confident person shares it with others, charges them with energy, which is very necessary for the implementation of the plan. Self-confident people are constructive, they believe in their abilities and live fuller lives than people with low self-esteem. In addition, self-confidence catches the eye only when there is a lot of it.

But everything is fine in moderation, excessive self-confidence pushes people to do first, and only then think well. They greatly exaggerate their abilities, easily take on new things that are beyond their power. This attitude often leads to negative consequences. Increased self-confidence in a person fosters arrogance towards others, this difference can be felt in the look, speech and behavior. These are rather selfish persons who willingly criticize others, demonstrating their superiority.

As a result, we can say that self-confidence can be both a positive side of a person and a negative one. Much depends on the person himself, if he is an egoist by nature, then self-confidence will be negative and will only worsen the situation as a whole. An egoist is fixated on his own person and on his own interests, self-confidence will move him towards the desired goal and make him not pay attention to other people.

In this article, we'll talk about what self-confidence is, what are its disadvantages, what are its features. Overconfidence is back side self-doubt. The person was initially unsure of himself and developed a protective mechanism, a mechanism for compensating for feelings of insecurity, feelings of inferiority. The result is a kind of inflection in the other direction, which prevents a person from being at least happy, and often brings even more various troubles into his life. Self-confidence arises when a person, in response to some negative from the past, has a belief in the style of “I am some kind of special,” “I am a star,” “I can do anything,” etc. This is the default belief that he is superior.

"I am a star"

If you find similar sensations in yourself or feel the echoes of this state, it means that notes of self-confidence are also present in you. Nothing wrong with that. The main thing is to be aware of and strive for reality. That is, a person is not confident in himself, and trying to get out of this state, he seems to skip the middle and in his illusions builds a star out of himself to compensate for his uncertainty. And you need to understand that neither self-confidence nor insecurity has anything to do with reality. Reality is somewhere in between.

And the further a person is from his real situation, the further he goes into his illusions, into his stardom, the more he loses touch with the surrounding reality, with the world around him. As a result, facing reality in some conflict situations, or where he needs to prove himself in real actions, in some difficult situation, he faces his own insecurity and feels pain. He thought he was so wonderful, and life brings him closer to reality. He feels that things are not so smooth. As a result, he feels discomfort.

A good example of great self-confidence is the conflict that happened at the press conference with Philip Kirkorov. When Philip Kirkorov, who does not hide that he feels like a star, heard a question hitting his pain point, in the place in which he was unsure, which is uncomfortable for him, and immediately lost his temper. All his self-confidence and stardom turned into rudeness.

Cons of self-confidence

The main disadvantage of overconfidence is human blindness. Rising on his pedestal, he ceases to perceive everything that is happening around. He does not perceive values ​​well,
beliefs of other people. Accordingly, it is difficult for him to establish contact with them.

The same goes for emotional contact with other people. He badly perceives the emotions that people experience. He can, without noticing, hurt people. This blindness alienates people from him. Blindness prevents him from perceiving his mistakes. Every mistake he realizes throws him off the pedestal, which for him is a traumatic pain. Accordingly, his defensive reaction acts in such a way that he begins to simply ignore his mistakes, ignore feedback. And without feedback, he can no longer adequately develop.

The focus of such a person's attention is most often on the mistakes of other people. Because he constantly needs confirmation of his star status. In his soul he feels his insecurity and inferiority. He needs to constantly prove to himself and others through such a negative perception of others that he is the best. Due to this, he rises, proves to himself that he is the best, and receives pleasure and satisfaction from this, without which he feels very uncomfortable.

The pros of self-confidence

These people also have positive aspects. First of all, these are ambitions, which are also required to confirm star status. A person has to set big goals for himself, big frames that he wants to achieve.

Secondly, motivation, and the motivation is negative. As soon as a self-confident person begins to fall off his pedestal, he immediately begins to feel uncomfortable. Therefore, he works a lot, does a lot of actions to confirm to himself, to prove to others his basic belief “I am a star”. As a result, this is a large number of mistakes, these are conflicts with others. He does not take into account their opinion - he constantly conflicts with the people around him. He perceives others as a resource for achieving his goals, nothing more. Of course, the lack of intimacy with people around him is fraught with an emotionally depressed state, which further confirms his deepest insecurity and inferiority.

How to deal with overconfidence?

To solve this problem, it is desirable for a person to find and eliminate the root cause - that negative experience that makes one feel insecure, inferior. This work requires a qualified specialist - a psychologist who could, firstly, find the cause, and secondly, work it out. Additionally, it will be necessary to work out the investigation, work out all the stellar beliefs, replace these beliefs with more realistic ones, so that a person can perceive himself realistically. Then his problems of overestimated self-esteem will be solved by themselves. He will be able to feel himself a much happier person.

Unlike self-esteem, which is based on, self-confidence is a completely unfounded conviction of an individual in his ideality and the absence of shortcomings, both internal and external.

It is necessary to distinguish the concept of self-confidence from self-confidence. The latter is a subjective positive assessment of one's own strengths, capabilities and potential, which are necessary to achieve a specific goal or task.

How people see us is largely based on how we see ourselves. Overconfidence can often alienate others, but at the same time it grows as the individual gains success. We can not always discern the line beyond which our self-confidence turns into too high self-confidence, and not all the factors influencing this are subordinate to us.

Overconfidence

Some people mistakenly believe that there are positive aspects to overconfidence. But. On the contrary, research in psychology proves the fact that in most cases, the cause of failure is precisely the excessive self-confidence of the individual. It leads to the fact that forces and real perspectives are considered distorted, from an idealized point of view, so that as a result, success is never achieved. Overly self-confident people do not admit mistakes, and when faced with failures, they blame them on some external circumstances. They consider their own to be the only correct one, while more often than others they are prone to conflicts, as a result of which they have a complete misunderstanding in their relationships.

Psychologists often talk about self-confidence in a negative way. It can cause failure in many areas of life, because, while developing, it prevents the individual from perceiving the real balance of problems and internal forces, violates the adequacy of thinking, and affects self-esteem. Of course, such a variant of events is not excluded when such a conviction is beneficial, but this is too dangerous an extreme. In addition, it negatively affects the development of the individual. Self-confident people do not take mistakes at their own expense, therefore, they are not able to analyze them, accept them as an experience, and in the future do not commit any more. Mistakes for them are something too natural, the result of exclusively external conditions and combinations of circumstances, failure.

In some cases, self-confidence is a real threat to the individual. In particular, when problems relate to financial issues or health. We are talking about self-medication, which rarely leads to a truly positive outcome.

The hallmark of overconfidence is that it has no foundation whatsoever. Self-confidence is based on an objective assessment of opportunities and potential, which are supported by past successful experiences.

Overconfidence and confidence

In psychology, self-confidence and confidence of any individual are quite clearly distinguished. The paradox is that the emergence of self-confidence is the first and practically the main sign of an individual's lack of confidence in his abilities. That is, it excludes true self-confidence. Such people tend to hide their flaws and complexes even from themselves, hiding behind feigned courage. They are characterized by ostentatious and mannered calmness, a tendency to bravado and bragging, at the same time excessive aggression and irritability are noted.

Of course, all such features are laid down in childhood, and their adequacy depends on education. A person who is improperly brought up in relation to self-esteem and confidence, grows up quite closed, angry, expressed fussy. It is these people who tend to hide in the future under the guise of self-confidence, because they do not want to show their real "look". At the same time, they are also characterized by incorrect ambitions. They hide their fear or even complexes under a constant desire to dominate everywhere and take a dominant position. They overly love the non-existent image of their "ideal self" created by them when they disagree with their opinion.

As for the self-confident individual, he is in harmony with the real "I". Such a person independently accepts the disadvantages and advantages, is able to correct them. He is not prone to hypocrisy, unlike a self-confident person, he is open to the people around him and in turn accepts them as they are in life.

So we come to the conclusion that self-confidence is something bad. You should not resort to extremes, because even our negative traits can play a certain positive role depending on the situation. You should not completely eradicate your shortcomings, it is better to control them or even use them at the right moment.

Overconfidence can be used by adhering to the expressed politeness in the conversation, but not to provoke conflicts, but to solve them and mitigate the circumstances. Think as little as possible about how you appear in the eyes of others, direct your energy to thinking about your real affairs. Being confident is good, but don't forget to control your behavior!

Psychologists provide a number of tips that can help you not only develop your sense of confidence at the right time, but also learn how to keep it under control:

1. Organize your wardrobe. Austere dressing style has a positive impact on your sense of self. Appearance has a lot to do with relationships with people. It is a little easier for men in this regard, since it is enough for them to keep their clothes clean and regularly put themselves in order.
   2. Develop a brisk gait. It is not so important where exactly you go, whether it is work, a date, another important matter. Confident people are in a hurry more often than usual, while they walk firmly and confidently. By adopting the habit of walking quickly and accurately, you can increase your sense of self and build confidence.
   3. Watch your posture! A person who demonstrates sluggish and meager movements, drooping shoulders and a gaze directed to the ground does not give the impression of a confident individual. They often do not consider themselves important, suffer from low self-esteem, and have a negative attitude towards their own activities and success. Slender posture training is the key to self-confidence. Walking upright and looking others in the eye will not only inspire respect in them, but you will also feel a surge of strength and confidence.
   4. Pay attention to familiarizing yourself with various motivational speeches. It's not so easy to find a good speaker these days, so you can try yourself in this role yourself. Make up a speech that really motivates you. Develop a speech, because this in itself will allow you to feel more confident, and repeat your speech every day just like that or in front of a mirror.
   5. Learn to be grateful to yourself. When an individual is strictly aimed at a certain result, his consciousness can begin to reflexively suggest options for reasons why it will not be possible to achieve what he wants. Thus, a person begins to talk about his weaknesses and focus on them. To avoid this, start thanking yourself for everything you have done during the day. Play in memories of all your successes and achievements, even relationships in your personal life. If you compare the list of your successes, it turns out that in life you have already achieved quite a lot.
   6. Don't be afraid to compliment. A person who has a negative attitude towards himself very often transfers his attitude to others. The banal habit of speaking well of people can help to get out of this situation. If you previously liked to discuss someone behind your back, then it is better to stop that. Learning to speak well of others will increase the liking of others to you, as well as raise your self-confidence to a new level.
   7. Pay attention to the place that you occupy in a public place. Insecure people always tend to take the back positions, be it a school, university auditorium, office. Staying in the front seats will help you boost your confidence level too.
   8. Give up the habit of keeping silent forever. Don't be afraid to speak in a group or in public. Insecure people believe that those around them rarely agree with others' opinions, and even more so with their personal ones. Always try to speak up during massive discussions. This will not only increase your speaking skills, but also allow you to develop correct thinking, the ability to convince others and convey your thoughts to them.
   9. Your appearance, as well as physical fitness, also have an impact on their own confidence. If an individual does not maintain his shape and daily tone, then he will feel a decline in energy, and with it a lack of self-confidence. Experts strongly recommend disciplined daily sports as the most The best way maintaining energy and creating a positive mood for the whole day.
   10. Stop paying too much attention to your experiences. Excessive immersion in one's desires, possible courses of events, worries about future failures or successes ... All this makes one distract from the reality of what is happening and the people around us. If you focus on real time, you will not bother so much about the shortcomings, especially if you focus your activities on achieving success. The more you give, the more you will get back in the form of recognition from others.